Simpsons:
Lisa: I hate going to the zoo. I feel so sorry for the animals.
…
Homer: In the wild, they would never experience boredom, obesity, loss of purpose… you know, the American dream.

New Yorker:
“We have to do something about satellite television to keep society free from this horny jerk-off situation.”

For those of you using Google Reader, I wrote a Greasemonkey script that lets you open the current item in a new tab.